How can a mom have a drinking problem?
This is a question I used to ask myself a lot until I was the one with the problem. I would ask the same questions you are likely asking; “doesn’t she love her family enough? Why does she DECIDE to keep drinking? I would totally stop for my kids! She is just a sad drunk.”
Yep, I used to judge alcoholics, HARD. I thought they were gross, disgusting, and weak. Until I became one and walked into the rooms of AA and realized I have a disease that I cannot control, a disease I cannot recover from without help. If you have a “normal” disease” you go to the doctor, right? If you have arthritis, diabetes, MS, or anything else that requires constant tracking and maybe even medication, you get help, right? Alcoholics need help, they need the support of others and sometimes even medication*. What they don’t need is to be judged by the mcjudgersons🥰.
So what happened? Let’s start from the beginning…
I talk about this more in the podcast episode I did with my friend, Judy Arazoza, but after I had my son I was a MESS. His birth was traumatic, coming home from the hospital was traumatic, and I didn’t know what the hell I was doing (seriously people, how do these medical people live with themselves? Sending us new moms off into the land of the unknown?! Not their fault but this does lead to a bigger conversation):
My milk didn’t come in and I was NOT prepared for that
I had gained 50lbs during pregnancy and didn’t know how I was going to lose it
My son had colic and screamed all the time
I fell into a deep depression, crying for weeks —not showering, not taking care of myself. Finally, one day after work when my husband found me sitting on the couch, hair matted in the back, and looking miserable, he called my parents and asked them to drive in and take me to Michigan so they could help.
Did I have a history of depression before this? 100%. My entire life I have struggled. But NOTHING, I mean NOTHING can compare to PPD (postpartum depression), and when PPD goes untreated (like alcoholism) it can lead to very dangerous consequences. And what happens to so many people when they are depressed? They turn to substances that can help numb the pain. For many people, they get through the hard stuff but my hard stuff just never went away.
Did I drink heavily before having kids? YES, I was drinking a lot before I got pregnant but we were young and having fun! I wasn’t in a state of deep depression looking for a way out. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED my son! I loved my baby! I love him so much now it hurts. It was unfortunately just a terrible time with all that went down with the birth and after (I also didn’t develop the bond most/many mothers experience ), and I needed something to numb my PPD, PTSD, the guilt of not being able to breastfeed, and the terror of not being able to console my screaming child.
Has anyone else experienced a traumatic birth? Or some form of trauma that led to substance abuse? Post-Partum Depression. I would love to hear from you. Know that you are NOT alone and there IS help.
More to come another day.
XXX,
Heather