I was triggered.

I was triggered, not to drink, but my EMOTIONS were triggered a few weeks ago when TWITCH took his own life😢. Every single emotion from every moment of my life when I was depressed enough to contemplate taking my own life came flooding back. Since that day, what seems like EVERYONE has been posting about “asking for help”, “talking to someone”, and “you are not alone”, all of which is amazing because we need AWARENESS, but here’s the thing, when you are in a state of depression that leads to such dark thinking, you are not in a state (necessarily) where you can ask for help.

I am just so F'ing grateful for asking for help 3.75 years ago. I'm so grateful my friend saw I needed help and was there to gently give assistance. I'm so grateful her eyes were open and saw the signs because if she hadn't I'm pretty sure I'd be dead. I wanted to die. I thought the world and my family, my beautiful children, would be better off without me. Growing up with an alcoholic mother was not something I wanted for them and getting sober just seemed too hard. I was tired. I was scared. I was pissed I had "let myself become an addict" (that's not how it works though), and I didn't see myself getting better so I made a plan... but I was spared. Why? Why me? Why not others? It's something I wrestle with every day.

Need support and don’t know where to turn? You can always message ME and I will try to point you in the right direction.

xoxo,

Heather